The Unwatchable Movie Challenge: Reel 1

A New Challenger Appears!

Movie: Teeth
Tagline: Every Rose Has Its Thorns
Director: Mitchell Lichtenstein
Starring:Jess Weixler, John Hensley, Hale Appleman
Released: 2007
Rated R for disturbing sequences involving sexuality and violence, language and some drug use
Runtime: 94 min
Genre: Comedy | Horror
Writer: Mitchell Lichtenstein

 Length of Movie I Watched:
Every last bit of it.

Verdict: Watchable, not enjoyable, but watchable.

 

Kyle issued this challenge earlier this week. He’s been waiting for a good opportunity to force this onto somebody. It was a killer first round to the Unwatchable movie challenge. I am not exactly excited to see penises (penisi?) in a movie, but to see graphic depictions of penis mutilation is something I hope to avoid in the future.

This movie’s concept was outlandish to begin with. Vagina dentata. (Only Google that if you aren’t eating or at work.) I was pleased to see the Comedy tag on IMDB, i went into this thinking it was a serious horror film. As for scares, there are none. Not really any thrills either, apart from how thrilling the credits seem after 90 minutes of this. Female nudity is very minimal with only one quick scene of toplessness, but as for male frontal nudity, there is plenty. Well maybe 5 or 6 scenes with penises. The pacing in the first act seems very slow as well, coupled with the fact this isn’t a “scary” movie it might not be one to watch while trying to stay awake.

This was a bad movie. I do not want to watch this again, I do not want to watch it with a hen. I do not want to watch it in the night, I will wish it away with all my might.

I can’t even imagine what the next movie will be…

Until next time,
-- “The Erik” Sanburn

The Unwatchable Movie Challenge

Over Labor Day weekend my best friend from California came back to visit. Kyle “MickeyC” McCarley drove straight through from L.A. to Hutchinson with his two roomies, Heather and Arazi. It was a nice weekend. Little sleep, but non-stop good times.

I know I miss the guy when he’s off doing his thing half a country away, but never do I realize exactly how much until we are reunited. A good friend of mine, Lauren, refers to us as the “Moron Twins.” Not as an insult per say, but more as a reference to the sheer stupidity that ensues from us reuniting. We get a overly excited and revert in age and maturity when around each other. Spending time with Kyle is always a highlight of my year.

Since Kyle decided to pay a surprise visit, I had already made plans to go to the Starlite Drive-In on Sunday evening. Despite my attempts to persuade him into going, he refused. He refused on the grounds that the movies we would be seeing were not worth the money to get in. Now I’m not here to debate whether the price to see G-Force, Aliens in the Attic, and G.I. Joe was worth it or not. My motto has always been, “I’ll watch anything.” Now I’m not sure if that’s really a motto or just something I say now and then, because outside of movies, I won’t watch anything. That’d be gross and awkward.

Kyle asked me just before I left to meet up with Carissa and Candace’s family and indulge in a triple featured evening, “Why would you pay to see those movies?”
To which I explained, “It’s ten bucks a carload, so it’s only like two dollars to see three movies. That’s a really good deal.”
“I don’t know about that. Those movies are going to be crap, I wouldn’t watch them for free,” Kyle quipped.
I understood where he was coming from, I wasn’t exactly expecting these movies to be anything more than cheap laughs and eye candy, “You know me though, I’ll watch anything.”
"You’ve always been like that. I don’t get it. I’m going to find a movie you won’t watch,” Kyle threatened.
"Alright, good luck. I doubt you could find one,” I baited him.
"I’ll take that action!” Dustin who had remained quiet for most of this argument chimed in.
"It’s an official challenge then,” stated Kyle, who’s mind began to whir with memories of poorly developed films.
I decided to amend the proposal slightly, “Alright, but before I agree to this, anything you challenge me to sit through, you have to sit through it with me. So remember that you have to watch it too.”
"Deal,” Kyle quickly signed up.
"Fine,” Dustin said as he jumped up from his chair. He reached out to shake hands to signify a deal had been confirmed.
"A gentlemen’s agreement. Huzzah!” We all exclaimed in unison. A pact had been made that day. An evil deal that would only lead us down a path of destruction. For we had all three just willingly signed on to sift through hours upon hours of offensive, poorly made, badly written, horrible movies.

So the challenge is on. Will Dustin and Kyle find a movie that I will refuse to sit through? Will our minds rot from the garbage we will surely be feeding it? Can The Erik outlast the challengers in their own movie choices? All this and more on the next exciting episode of “As The Donut Gyrates.”

Feel free to help out the boys and post suggestions of your favorite “Bad Movies.” Only these two chuckleheads can issue a challenge, but they are going to need all the help they can get.

Also, while I would never call this a “Bad Movie,” unlike the majority of the film going public, Howard the Duck is playing at the Palace this weekend for their Cult Movie series. If anyone wants to see this magical 1986 Marvel Comic-based film, let me know. I will go to every single showing if I have friends to go with.

Palace West Theatre Presents
A CULT FILM SERIES
Shows play every Friday & Saturday between 9:00-10pm and 11:30-Midnight. With a new film each week through Dec. 5th
TICKETS ARE ONLY $2.50!
For showtimes call 691-9700
http://www.palacemovies.com/showtimes/new_cult.pdf
http://www.palacemovies.com
Proof of age is required

September 25th & 26th

Keep looking to the skies, true believers!
-- "The Erik" Sanburn

Download Complete: DominikAbelMarichePerez(1).nphw

My sister gave birth to a bouncing baby boy this morning at about 10:30AM CST. 5lbs 6oz and 18.5 inches long. Dominik Abel Mariche Perez.

Well folks, I am officially an uncle. Uncle Erik. The idea is still a bit beyond me. I can’t fully believe that my little sister is a full-blown mother. I still remember her with a ridiculous bowl cut and waiters thinking she was a boy when she was like 6 or 7. I remember her as a teenager with a mouth full of metal and going into high school. Now she’s moved on to a new phase in her life. She’s a mommy. She’s officially all grown up. Here’s to you little sister, may motherhood bring you joys and happiness you have never known.

Nothing Endures But Change

Change.

Changes, they are inevitable. Yet we as humans tend to never expect change. We get into these routines, we plan, we dwell. We form these grooves in our life and we never want to leave these safe zones. The universe is vast and ever-changing, yet sometimes in life all we want to do is fight change.

“It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to.”

--Marilyn Ferguson

We are all growing whether physically, mentally, or spiritually. I have always been a strong believer in the theory that everything is a learning experience. Each and every event that transpires in our life has important information encoded into it. I have had a lot of things happen in my life, a good portion of those can be perceived as negative events. As much as negative events weigh us down as we try to progress on to other stages in our lives, we must fight that weight. Life is a series of steps, with each step we have taken there is a piece of vital knowledge to carry with us. However, when that step provides a life lesson where one must learn through struggle, we all too often carry the burden of all the extra emotional baggage onto our next phase. If we don’t take the time to shed some of our extra weight and relieve ourselves of all the extra negativity we carry within ourselves, we will become bogged down and not be able to progress and transcend through life.

“So Mr. Smarty-pants, how exactly does one shed this 'negative baggage' then, huh?” You may be asking this very question. Sadly, I cannot answer this for you. I can only show you the door. Mainly because everyone will be different, every situation unique unto itself, thus I cannot give you a cookie cutter solution to sadness. How does one deal with sadness, deal with change? How do you deal?

“No sir, how do YOU deal!?” How do I deal? How does, “The Erik” deal? Does “The Erik” have sadness? I am often known to all as the fun-loving goofy comedian that goes through life with an ear to ear grin and a joke for every situation.

“Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. The Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains."

--Rorschach, from “Watchmen”

I also have been a firm believer in the theory that the essence of comedy is simply a parody of tragedy. The ability to mock and laugh at the downtrodden and less fortunate. As grim as that sounds, think back to the last comedian you watched, or think about the next one you do watch. Their jokes will tell stories of break-ups, death, violence, and yet no matter how truly horrible the events in the story we will laugh. I am not saying that I wouldn’t laugh or we shouldn't laugh, merely that comedy is a result of tragedy. My life is a series of tragedies within the greatest comedy of all-time, life. If you have ever heard my story of my senior prom night, you will have laughed. It is a hilarious tale of an unfortunate young boy who on the night of his prom falls in a pile of cow poo. While the idea is silly and the full version is quite humorous, it is really a horrible event. Growing up, I didn’t have the perfect family life, but who does. If you have ever heard any story about when I was growing up, you most likely have laughed. However, the underlying story elements are quite serious. Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence are no laughing matter... yet somehow we make them out to be. A man gets on a stage and tells you his darkest secrets and how horrible life has been to him and you mock him and laugh at him. Yet, the instigator, the one spouting the most gut-wrenching vile insults is the man himself. We call him the comedian.

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.”

--Mel Brooks

So yes, I tend to deal with life by mocking it. When yet another tragedy strikes me, I create a joke. A casual quip that sums up my struggle and will make others smile. Listen to a comedian, and you will generally hear a very sad clown crying out to the world.

Change. We all are changing. Changing into something different, we grow, we evolve, and we create. We all deal with change in many ways, some better than others, some simply choose not to deal with change and those are the most tragic. To all who managed to take the time to fully read this through, I pose a simple question. “How do you deal?”

Whether you respond publicly or even take a moment to ponder it to yourselves, it is a question worth thinking about.

Keep looking to the skies, true believers!

-- "The Erik" Sanburn

I'm Sorry Extra Pound, It's Over Between Us. We had Some Good Times though. It's Not You, It's.... Acutally, it is You.

Article no. 1: I will Reduce Volume and Girth of my Body.

That's right folks, the most cliche of all new year's resolutions. The obligatory weight loss resolution. Everyone knows Americans are stereotyped as rich egocentric fat people. When any true American knows, that we're not rich... pfft, silly foreigners.

I'm not fat by any means, I'm overweight for sure. But hey, who isn't these days? When society's view of ideal weight in females is about 32lbs, how can one not be overweight? However, society aside, I could stand to lose a few. I'm currently weighing in about 208. Not terrible, but according to the BMI index and my Nintendo WiiFit it is bad. Overweight they tell me. Ideally for my height I should be weighing 170-175. I can't remember when I have ever weighed that, though obviously at some point I did. 185 is my average weight, I have let it slide a bit.

So I want to lose weight. How can I achieve this goal? I have a plan of action. My WiiFit and Wii Sports. While working up a sweat with the Wii may not always have the same thrills as running down zombies in Left 4 Dead, it is more productive. I have finally hit the stage alot of gamers hit with the Wii. It's starting to collect dust. Not anymore, I'm bringing it back and am going to start actively using it every night.

Wii Sports is a decent form of exercise in of itself, with Tennis, Baseball, and my favorite Boxing. Heck even after bowling a few frames you feel it the next day. Then Nintendo introduced the WiiFit. A program completely geared toward healthy living with Yoga, Strength training, and recreational activities all designed to make you Fit and improve balance and coordination. Brilliant! 

I'm actually looking forward to bringing out the Wii and dropping a few extra pounds.

In most cases, I would bring it out. Do it a couple of times and then give up. Most do. However, my office is participating in the Choose to Lose program. I don't know if this is a nationwide thing or just something local, but every January businesses in the Hutchinson area gather teams and set weight loss goals and work through March on achieving them. I think this is a great program to have the community working together to better themselves with a little competitive motivation. Choose to Lose starts January 12th I believe and will run through March. Weigh ins are weekly and extra points are rewarded for exercise. So hopefully this will provide enough motivation to keep me going. I'm going to set my goal for Choose to Lose at 10 lbs. Seems reasonable for 3 months.

Now my own personal goal is to be at 185lbs. by May 19th, my birthday, and then by the end of the year to try and get to 170-175. The WiiFit will stop calling me fat if I hit my ideal BMI, and it's something that I wanna try and do. I also hope that in the process I can tone up some as well. Abs of Jello may be something funny to say, but it would be nice to not feel self conscious about my torso. I mean, as nice as it would be to have some Brad Pitt looking abs with a v-line that catches all the fair maidens eyes at the pool, it's probably not going to happen. But I'm tired of having dinky doo syndrome.

Dinky doo syndrome is a problem in males when your stomach sticks out past your dinky doo.

Crude, I know, but it makes me chuckle slightly. And dinky doos aside, a flat stomach would be cool to try out for awhile.

This is the Year of the Donut. I'm a Donut Boy. The Donut Boys are a group of us that perform for WoW Radio, we produce the Chalice of Silvermoon web series. We decided that 2009 is "The Year of the Donut" a special year in which we work really hard to improve our talents, hone our skills, and gain popularity throughout the Internet. A year of self-improvement. Which is also what I see for myself in 2009. So when I start feeling like I don't want to do anything, I wanna sit around or sleep all day, I tell myself, "This is the Year of the Donut." This keeps me motivated, reminds me that I have a goal. I have to improve myself so I can help the group. Sum of the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.  That's Synergy, baby!

Weight Goals for 2009:  Down to 185 by May 19th. Down to 170 by December 31st. God Speed Soldier...

Keep looking to the skies, true believers!

-- "The Erik" Sanburn

My Money, We Hardly Knew Ye.

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I will be spending some time delving into why I picked each of those resolutions. Rather than conventionally starting at the top of the list, I'm going to cover items 2 and 3 first.
"WHAT! How can he not start at the top of the list!? What madness is this?"
"Madness? THIS IS MY BLOG!"
...

Well, I've definitely seen more humorous references to the movie 300 and that so often quoted line. Actually, looking back a paragraph, that joke is very contrived and illogical. Why does a blog about my budget need a 300 reference? I don't know. Don't look at me.

Regardless of the validity of the movie reference, I'm here to discuss my budget. At the beginning of every year, I set a monthly budget for spending. I have been doing this as far back as I can remember. Which is about 3 days, which conveniently is when I started setting a monthly budget. How's that for a crazy random happenstance!?

I'm hoping that budgeting will, if nothing else, make me aware of how badly misappropriated my hard earned money has been.
Article no. 2 of the aforementioned resolution list states, "I will eat out less." This item will have impacts on Article no. 1 and Article no. 3 on said aforementioned resolution list. I will get to Article no. 1 at a later date. I will be discussing the impact on Article no. 3, which states, "I will alleviate myself from much debt."
Fast food and restaurants can have an impact on your weight if you don't monitor your intake, and they have an impact on your wallet if you don't watch the outtake.
I recently reviewed my financial analysis for the 2008 fiscal year.

(I do this because I crave knowledge and like a true nerd, numbers give me thrills, but also because Bank of America provides this online for free.)

After reviewing this analysis for the year of 2008, I realized that I had spent a whopping $1817.10 eating at restaurants and fast food. $1817!! I can't even imagine how much food that provided. However, a good chunk of that was eating with my girlfriend, Stef, which means I paid for two and ate for one. So at least I didn't engorge myself as much as that number makes me think. I know that there is alot of Chinese buffets included in that number, as well as a good portion of Old Chicago in Wichita. Also the other insane bit is that the $1817 only counts for purchases made with my debit or credit card. Cash is not accounted for, and I know I spent alot with cash as well. Moral of the story... I eat out way too frickin' much!

It's just easier sometimes. However, when I think of that number, I realize change must be made. The other nifty thing about my financial report is that it constantly keeps tabs on my net worth. My current networth... embarrassing as it is... -$22,315.66. Ouch!

However, that includes the little bit of money in my savings and checking, (it's right before payday so the till is almost dry) as well as taking into account my brand new 2008 Chevy Aveo car loan for $14,500, and about $6,000 in student loan debt that I irresponsibly avoided for 2 years before attempting to make payments. I have another $500 loan out, as well as the credit card debt which is about $2000.

I know, I know... it's not a good place to be for a 22 year old college dropout. Believe me, I know. I'm actively fighting this debt though. As 2008 closed its doors, I closed a 4 year old outstanding credit card bill. So now I have $1200 less debt, and they will stop dragging my credit score down.

That is a different credit card than the one I currently owe on through Bank of America. It was some small company I've never heard of called Clout Financial. They gave me the card and I activated it and never used it. There was a $500 credit limit. No big deal right? Well, after I dropped out of college and drifted from job to job, I used the card to buy gas once or twice and bought some food with it now and then. I decided not to spend any more on the card since I wasn't earning anything to pay off the money I was spending. Well, then I lost track of where to send my payments, I moved like 4 or 5 times, and they lost track of me. Then that card sat there and late payments and overage fees stacked up to about $1200, they sold the debt. Several companies owned the debt since 2005, and now and then one would track me down. I would send them money, and the checks would come back, because the debt had already been passed on. However, last November we finally found eachother and I agreed to pay it off by the end of the year and they reduced it to a clean $900. It's all taken care of now and it feels good to have that burden off of my shoulders.

Back to the topic of my budget. -$22K seems like alot, well, because it is alot. However, as of about six to nine months ago it was in excess of -$27K, so I'm obviously making some great progress. Throughout 2009, I intend on greatly reducing my student loan debt, which is the other dark spot on my credit score. I'm paid ahead so much that my next payment isn't actually due until May 20th... of 2010.

Now, I may have a daunting task ahead of me with this debt. I created this problem for myself and am paying for my misdeeds and irresponsibilities. However, I am nearing financial stability and have allocated funds for fun and entertainment. I also will be returning to the ZLB Plasma center to start donating on a regular basis again. At $65 a week, that's an estimated $260/month and $3120/year in cash. Save lives, get cash... I'm a regular superhero!

This also means I will be in Wichita twice a week, Tuesdays and Fridays, so if anyone is in or around Wichita some night, we'll go hit up the Palace West theater for $2.50 movie tickets! My favorite theater in Wichita. I should get paid for that advertisement...

Budget Goals for 2009: Reduce spending on dining out and re-allocate funds to paying off debt. Let's hope for the best, obviously I got a lot of work ahead of me.

Keep looking to the skies, true believers!

-- "The Erik" Sanburn

The Legend of Half-Beard and the New Year's Resolution

Well, hello! I bet you thought I abandoned my readers, but I didn't forget the 3 of you! Busy, Busy, busy... I'm always so busy.

Christmas came and went. It was a nice holiday, time of gathering, family, and holiday pay. I got a lot of nice gifts from my family. Some nice green holly for my wallet as well, that means cash... I bought a beard trimmer. Yes, I am aware how lame that is, but I needed it. So to test out the length settings I shaved half of my face. See below.

Yeah, so, that was silly of me. Fear not, I corrected the imbalanced face hair. It's coming in even and not resembling the homeless is always a goal.

New Year's Eve. My tamest in a long time. I have no crazy photos for you, because all I did was play some video games and watch the ball drop in New York. I just didn't feel like going out that night. I took a nap until midnight central time and woke up long enough to mumble, "happy new year!" and fall back asleep. So while the majority of the human race likes to make New Year's resolutions, those that achieve them are definitely a minority. However, with the doting public staring in at me, perhaps that would be some much needed motivation.

Yes, as you  may have guessed, I'm turning this into the obligatory resolution post. here are my cliche resolutions.

1. Lose Weight
   
2. Eat out less
   
3. Get more out of debt
   
4. Finish the house
   
5. Clean up for Stef
   
6. Finish these certifications: 
   
1. Server+
   
2. Network+
   
3. Security+
   
4. IBM Server
   
5. HP Desktop
   
6. HP Notebook
   
7. HP Server
   
8. Linux+
   
9. Various Microsoft Certs.


7. Upgrade my payscale twice
   
8. Fix the chaliceofsilvermoon.com website
   
9. Create a donutboys.net website
   
10. Begin Operation: Internet Takeover
    
11. Finish recording for Chalice Season 3
    
12. Finish production for Chalice Season 3
    

That's my list. I'm going to keep a tally on the sidebar so everyone can see my progress. Also I will be going into details each item over the rest of this month. Happy New Year and everyone look forward to great possibilities!