Learnin’ and Burnin’

I’ve been working at NMGI for about a year and some change now. Staying very busy with all sorts of exciting work, such as fighting viruses, installing new systems, and protecting data from disastrous hard drives. Okay, maybe that is only exciting for someone who enjoys working on computers. I have over this last year accomplished a lot in regards to my pursuit of knowledge. I’ve been earning certifications and passing tests as quick as I could get the information down. However, as of late I seem to be inside a bit of a lull. I haven’t taken a test in 2 months. I could say I’m just taking my time preparing for the next, but that wouldn’t be completely honest. I keep meaning to sit down with my study materials, but just can never get focused.

The test in question is CompTIA’s Server+ exam. This test proves to the world that I know how to install and troubleshoot servers. I really don’t have much experience with working on servers at this point and so the test is a little scary. I’m learning all new information to try and pass this one. I know that if I actually sit down and go over the material I could pick it up quickly. I’ve always been able to memorize and retain information super fast.

Back when I still performed in the theatre on a regular basis, I became a good backup choice because of my ability to learn long scripts in a short time. It started with a run of the Marx Brothers’ Animal Crackers. I came in as a replacement to an actor that had dropped out and was told that it was a big part and I would only have two weeks to learn it. I agreed and got to the first rehearsal and found out I was Chico Marx. I pulled it off and that remains one of my favorite shows I have been in yet.
Right after that show I auditioned for Agatha Christie’s Murder on the Nile. I was only cast as the captain, a cameo appearance with 3 lines at the beginning of Act II. However, Dustin had been cast as Simon who was a major supporting character present in almost every scene. As I recall, Dustin’s girlfriend thought that the show took too much time and told him not to do it anymore. So he dropped out two weeks before curtain. Well guess who got promoted? If you guessed Tim from Accounts Receivable on the 5th floor you’d be wrong. It was me. I burned through the script and nailed that performance almost word for word.
I followed that show up with The Hobbit. I played Gandalf the Grey, I was a bad-ass. I took a break for about a year trying to make it in the commercial sector. I got talked into doing Esther, written and directed by Craig Williams, a local junior high school principal. Came back a few shows after that and starred as Inspector Jacque Clouseau in the stage version of The Pink Panther Strikes Back. I told the cast it would be my last show with the FCT, Family Children’s Theatre. But I lied, I came back and auditioned for a musical based on the music of John Phillips Sousa. Think Mamma Mia! meets a grade school marching band. I don’t even remember the name of the musical. I auditioned as a favor not expecting to get in because of my lack of musical talent. Unfortunately there was a shortage of people at the audition and EVERYONE got in. I was struggling with time constraints and did the one thing I swore I would never do. I dropped out. I quit the show… 2 weeks to curtain. I’ve never set foot in the theatre since. Luckily for the cast, there was a new guy that was turning heads in the community for being able to pick up and learn lines quickly. He took my place and I hear he did excellent. Ironic, isn’t it?

Regardless of my credits at the FCT, I use my powers of memorization all the time. It helps out alot when studying for all these tests. For instance, the Server+ study guide has 312 questions in it, but the actual test will only have around 100. The questions that appear on my test are randomly selected as the test is generated. So I have to learn all of it. I wouldn’t dare only study some parts and try to wing it. The way my luck goes I would get a test full of everything I didn’t learn.

My goal for this week is to read through the whole study guide twice by Sunday evening. That’s only 624 questions in 5 days. Easy enough goal right? I’ll leave you all with the very first question in the guide. See if you can answer it without Google. Now, should I start studying or play video games with my friends? Decisions, decisions, decisions….

The performance of a RAID 5 dual processor database server is degrading over time. Symptoms include excessive disk access, high memory utilization, and slow responses to database searches.
Which action should be taken to reduce the server’s bottleneck?
A.] Add more RAM.
B.] Implement RAID 1.
C.] Upgrade the CPUs.
D.] Add additional CPUs.
E.] Increase the swap file size.

Until next time, keep your nose to the grindstone…
--“The Erik” Sanburn

Zombie-Mania!

What is it about the dead rising up from their graves and roaming the earth that gets me all giddy?

Like tweens to vampires, nerds and nerd-folk are flocking to any and all things zombie. Pop culture is rife with zombies and similar undead, and as a self proclaimed junkie of geek culture, I eat this stuff up.

The new film Zombieland, starring Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, and Emma Stone, opened this weekend and swept to the number one spot at the box office. Despite being gruesome horrific creatures that spread disease and destroy life, people love zombies.

Next month the sequel to the Award-winning video game “Left 4 Dead” hits  the shelves. This game features four player cooperation to survive a zombie outbreak. Working together as a team you have to reach checkpoint after checkpoint until finally you can make contact with someone who can provide an emergency rescue. Players in the original game made their way through cities, farms, airports, and hospitals to try and catch a break from massive hordes of the undead. In this new sequel, players will experience the game from the perspective of four new characters set in the bayou and New Orleans.

We have even seen safety plans implemented at major universities for flesh-eating, apparently life impaired individuals. The University of Florida's response plans for a zombie apocalypse are no longer available for public consumption though, as some felt the joke was inappropriate.

These are great examples of ways zombies have mindlessly shambled into our hearts, but why do we accept them so? Obviously we don’t agree with their methods or their goals. If we would meet a zombie we would surely slay it without hesitation. But do these munchers of brains represent a bigger picture? In practically every incarnation we see the heroes fighting against the hordes, rebelling against the massing zombies. When society is becoming drone-like and with the disease spreading more and more become assimilated into the mass. Except for the brave few that avoid society. The ones that won’t conform and join the mindless masses.

Think of the zombiesque facets of society... mindless service jobs, the mindless homogeneity of youth culture, mindless conversations on cell phones such that we can have a crowd of people standing talking, but not to each other. Translation for the metaphorically inept: we *ARE* zombies and we don't even know it. Zombie movies even dating back to Romero’s original Night of the Living Dead have been metaphors for problems in the world. So next time you find yourself in the mindless lockstep of society, think twice and hold on to your brains.

Perhaps this is also why zombies work so well for horror movies, they are not some foreign, alien monster, they are us. Your neighbors, your friends, your family, all becoming a flesh eating monster. The idea of turning on your loved ones may be scarier than the graphic mutilations depicted on the screen.

Regardless of whether the zombies represent society, or are just there for some good ol’ fashioned fun, they are here to stay. If you are like me and enjoy Z-Culture, check out some of the following books that are a must for zombie fans.

Until next time, Hail to the king, baby…
-- “The Erik” Sanburn

The Unwatchable Movie Challenge: Reel 1

A New Challenger Appears!

Movie: Teeth
Tagline: Every Rose Has Its Thorns
Director: Mitchell Lichtenstein
Starring:Jess Weixler, John Hensley, Hale Appleman
Released: 2007
Rated R for disturbing sequences involving sexuality and violence, language and some drug use
Runtime: 94 min
Genre: Comedy | Horror
Writer: Mitchell Lichtenstein

 Length of Movie I Watched:
Every last bit of it.

Verdict: Watchable, not enjoyable, but watchable.

 

Kyle issued this challenge earlier this week. He’s been waiting for a good opportunity to force this onto somebody. It was a killer first round to the Unwatchable movie challenge. I am not exactly excited to see penises (penisi?) in a movie, but to see graphic depictions of penis mutilation is something I hope to avoid in the future.

This movie’s concept was outlandish to begin with. Vagina dentata. (Only Google that if you aren’t eating or at work.) I was pleased to see the Comedy tag on IMDB, i went into this thinking it was a serious horror film. As for scares, there are none. Not really any thrills either, apart from how thrilling the credits seem after 90 minutes of this. Female nudity is very minimal with only one quick scene of toplessness, but as for male frontal nudity, there is plenty. Well maybe 5 or 6 scenes with penises. The pacing in the first act seems very slow as well, coupled with the fact this isn’t a “scary” movie it might not be one to watch while trying to stay awake.

This was a bad movie. I do not want to watch this again, I do not want to watch it with a hen. I do not want to watch it in the night, I will wish it away with all my might.

I can’t even imagine what the next movie will be…

Until next time,
-- “The Erik” Sanburn

The Unwatchable Movie Challenge

Over Labor Day weekend my best friend from California came back to visit. Kyle “MickeyC” McCarley drove straight through from L.A. to Hutchinson with his two roomies, Heather and Arazi. It was a nice weekend. Little sleep, but non-stop good times.

I know I miss the guy when he’s off doing his thing half a country away, but never do I realize exactly how much until we are reunited. A good friend of mine, Lauren, refers to us as the “Moron Twins.” Not as an insult per say, but more as a reference to the sheer stupidity that ensues from us reuniting. We get a overly excited and revert in age and maturity when around each other. Spending time with Kyle is always a highlight of my year.

Since Kyle decided to pay a surprise visit, I had already made plans to go to the Starlite Drive-In on Sunday evening. Despite my attempts to persuade him into going, he refused. He refused on the grounds that the movies we would be seeing were not worth the money to get in. Now I’m not here to debate whether the price to see G-Force, Aliens in the Attic, and G.I. Joe was worth it or not. My motto has always been, “I’ll watch anything.” Now I’m not sure if that’s really a motto or just something I say now and then, because outside of movies, I won’t watch anything. That’d be gross and awkward.

Kyle asked me just before I left to meet up with Carissa and Candace’s family and indulge in a triple featured evening, “Why would you pay to see those movies?”
To which I explained, “It’s ten bucks a carload, so it’s only like two dollars to see three movies. That’s a really good deal.”
“I don’t know about that. Those movies are going to be crap, I wouldn’t watch them for free,” Kyle quipped.
I understood where he was coming from, I wasn’t exactly expecting these movies to be anything more than cheap laughs and eye candy, “You know me though, I’ll watch anything.”
"You’ve always been like that. I don’t get it. I’m going to find a movie you won’t watch,” Kyle threatened.
"Alright, good luck. I doubt you could find one,” I baited him.
"I’ll take that action!” Dustin who had remained quiet for most of this argument chimed in.
"It’s an official challenge then,” stated Kyle, who’s mind began to whir with memories of poorly developed films.
I decided to amend the proposal slightly, “Alright, but before I agree to this, anything you challenge me to sit through, you have to sit through it with me. So remember that you have to watch it too.”
"Deal,” Kyle quickly signed up.
"Fine,” Dustin said as he jumped up from his chair. He reached out to shake hands to signify a deal had been confirmed.
"A gentlemen’s agreement. Huzzah!” We all exclaimed in unison. A pact had been made that day. An evil deal that would only lead us down a path of destruction. For we had all three just willingly signed on to sift through hours upon hours of offensive, poorly made, badly written, horrible movies.

So the challenge is on. Will Dustin and Kyle find a movie that I will refuse to sit through? Will our minds rot from the garbage we will surely be feeding it? Can The Erik outlast the challengers in their own movie choices? All this and more on the next exciting episode of “As The Donut Gyrates.”

Feel free to help out the boys and post suggestions of your favorite “Bad Movies.” Only these two chuckleheads can issue a challenge, but they are going to need all the help they can get.

Also, while I would never call this a “Bad Movie,” unlike the majority of the film going public, Howard the Duck is playing at the Palace this weekend for their Cult Movie series. If anyone wants to see this magical 1986 Marvel Comic-based film, let me know. I will go to every single showing if I have friends to go with.

Palace West Theatre Presents
A CULT FILM SERIES
Shows play every Friday & Saturday between 9:00-10pm and 11:30-Midnight. With a new film each week through Dec. 5th
TICKETS ARE ONLY $2.50!
For showtimes call 691-9700
http://www.palacemovies.com/showtimes/new_cult.pdf
http://www.palacemovies.com
Proof of age is required

September 25th & 26th

Keep looking to the skies, true believers!
-- "The Erik" Sanburn

Download Complete: DominikAbelMarichePerez(1).nphw

My sister gave birth to a bouncing baby boy this morning at about 10:30AM CST. 5lbs 6oz and 18.5 inches long. Dominik Abel Mariche Perez.

Well folks, I am officially an uncle. Uncle Erik. The idea is still a bit beyond me. I can’t fully believe that my little sister is a full-blown mother. I still remember her with a ridiculous bowl cut and waiters thinking she was a boy when she was like 6 or 7. I remember her as a teenager with a mouth full of metal and going into high school. Now she’s moved on to a new phase in her life. She’s a mommy. She’s officially all grown up. Here’s to you little sister, may motherhood bring you joys and happiness you have never known.

Nothing Endures But Change

Change.

Changes, they are inevitable. Yet we as humans tend to never expect change. We get into these routines, we plan, we dwell. We form these grooves in our life and we never want to leave these safe zones. The universe is vast and ever-changing, yet sometimes in life all we want to do is fight change.

“It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to.”

--Marilyn Ferguson

We are all growing whether physically, mentally, or spiritually. I have always been a strong believer in the theory that everything is a learning experience. Each and every event that transpires in our life has important information encoded into it. I have had a lot of things happen in my life, a good portion of those can be perceived as negative events. As much as negative events weigh us down as we try to progress on to other stages in our lives, we must fight that weight. Life is a series of steps, with each step we have taken there is a piece of vital knowledge to carry with us. However, when that step provides a life lesson where one must learn through struggle, we all too often carry the burden of all the extra emotional baggage onto our next phase. If we don’t take the time to shed some of our extra weight and relieve ourselves of all the extra negativity we carry within ourselves, we will become bogged down and not be able to progress and transcend through life.

“So Mr. Smarty-pants, how exactly does one shed this 'negative baggage' then, huh?” You may be asking this very question. Sadly, I cannot answer this for you. I can only show you the door. Mainly because everyone will be different, every situation unique unto itself, thus I cannot give you a cookie cutter solution to sadness. How does one deal with sadness, deal with change? How do you deal?

“No sir, how do YOU deal!?” How do I deal? How does, “The Erik” deal? Does “The Erik” have sadness? I am often known to all as the fun-loving goofy comedian that goes through life with an ear to ear grin and a joke for every situation.

“Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. The Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains."

--Rorschach, from “Watchmen”

I also have been a firm believer in the theory that the essence of comedy is simply a parody of tragedy. The ability to mock and laugh at the downtrodden and less fortunate. As grim as that sounds, think back to the last comedian you watched, or think about the next one you do watch. Their jokes will tell stories of break-ups, death, violence, and yet no matter how truly horrible the events in the story we will laugh. I am not saying that I wouldn’t laugh or we shouldn't laugh, merely that comedy is a result of tragedy. My life is a series of tragedies within the greatest comedy of all-time, life. If you have ever heard my story of my senior prom night, you will have laughed. It is a hilarious tale of an unfortunate young boy who on the night of his prom falls in a pile of cow poo. While the idea is silly and the full version is quite humorous, it is really a horrible event. Growing up, I didn’t have the perfect family life, but who does. If you have ever heard any story about when I was growing up, you most likely have laughed. However, the underlying story elements are quite serious. Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence are no laughing matter... yet somehow we make them out to be. A man gets on a stage and tells you his darkest secrets and how horrible life has been to him and you mock him and laugh at him. Yet, the instigator, the one spouting the most gut-wrenching vile insults is the man himself. We call him the comedian.

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.”

--Mel Brooks

So yes, I tend to deal with life by mocking it. When yet another tragedy strikes me, I create a joke. A casual quip that sums up my struggle and will make others smile. Listen to a comedian, and you will generally hear a very sad clown crying out to the world.

Change. We all are changing. Changing into something different, we grow, we evolve, and we create. We all deal with change in many ways, some better than others, some simply choose not to deal with change and those are the most tragic. To all who managed to take the time to fully read this through, I pose a simple question. “How do you deal?”

Whether you respond publicly or even take a moment to ponder it to yourselves, it is a question worth thinking about.

Keep looking to the skies, true believers!

-- "The Erik" Sanburn

I'm Sorry Extra Pound, It's Over Between Us. We had Some Good Times though. It's Not You, It's.... Acutally, it is You.

Article no. 1: I will Reduce Volume and Girth of my Body.

That's right folks, the most cliche of all new year's resolutions. The obligatory weight loss resolution. Everyone knows Americans are stereotyped as rich egocentric fat people. When any true American knows, that we're not rich... pfft, silly foreigners.

I'm not fat by any means, I'm overweight for sure. But hey, who isn't these days? When society's view of ideal weight in females is about 32lbs, how can one not be overweight? However, society aside, I could stand to lose a few. I'm currently weighing in about 208. Not terrible, but according to the BMI index and my Nintendo WiiFit it is bad. Overweight they tell me. Ideally for my height I should be weighing 170-175. I can't remember when I have ever weighed that, though obviously at some point I did. 185 is my average weight, I have let it slide a bit.

So I want to lose weight. How can I achieve this goal? I have a plan of action. My WiiFit and Wii Sports. While working up a sweat with the Wii may not always have the same thrills as running down zombies in Left 4 Dead, it is more productive. I have finally hit the stage alot of gamers hit with the Wii. It's starting to collect dust. Not anymore, I'm bringing it back and am going to start actively using it every night.

Wii Sports is a decent form of exercise in of itself, with Tennis, Baseball, and my favorite Boxing. Heck even after bowling a few frames you feel it the next day. Then Nintendo introduced the WiiFit. A program completely geared toward healthy living with Yoga, Strength training, and recreational activities all designed to make you Fit and improve balance and coordination. Brilliant! 

I'm actually looking forward to bringing out the Wii and dropping a few extra pounds.

In most cases, I would bring it out. Do it a couple of times and then give up. Most do. However, my office is participating in the Choose to Lose program. I don't know if this is a nationwide thing or just something local, but every January businesses in the Hutchinson area gather teams and set weight loss goals and work through March on achieving them. I think this is a great program to have the community working together to better themselves with a little competitive motivation. Choose to Lose starts January 12th I believe and will run through March. Weigh ins are weekly and extra points are rewarded for exercise. So hopefully this will provide enough motivation to keep me going. I'm going to set my goal for Choose to Lose at 10 lbs. Seems reasonable for 3 months.

Now my own personal goal is to be at 185lbs. by May 19th, my birthday, and then by the end of the year to try and get to 170-175. The WiiFit will stop calling me fat if I hit my ideal BMI, and it's something that I wanna try and do. I also hope that in the process I can tone up some as well. Abs of Jello may be something funny to say, but it would be nice to not feel self conscious about my torso. I mean, as nice as it would be to have some Brad Pitt looking abs with a v-line that catches all the fair maidens eyes at the pool, it's probably not going to happen. But I'm tired of having dinky doo syndrome.

Dinky doo syndrome is a problem in males when your stomach sticks out past your dinky doo.

Crude, I know, but it makes me chuckle slightly. And dinky doos aside, a flat stomach would be cool to try out for awhile.

This is the Year of the Donut. I'm a Donut Boy. The Donut Boys are a group of us that perform for WoW Radio, we produce the Chalice of Silvermoon web series. We decided that 2009 is "The Year of the Donut" a special year in which we work really hard to improve our talents, hone our skills, and gain popularity throughout the Internet. A year of self-improvement. Which is also what I see for myself in 2009. So when I start feeling like I don't want to do anything, I wanna sit around or sleep all day, I tell myself, "This is the Year of the Donut." This keeps me motivated, reminds me that I have a goal. I have to improve myself so I can help the group. Sum of the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.  That's Synergy, baby!

Weight Goals for 2009:  Down to 185 by May 19th. Down to 170 by December 31st. God Speed Soldier...

Keep looking to the skies, true believers!

-- "The Erik" Sanburn